How do I know where to begin?
Did this all start because I dared to sin?
Did it all start when I was very young?
With the slaps and the belt and a vicious tongue?
Was it when I was left that time naked in the shed?
Or was it that time I got punched in the head?
So many pictures run through my mind,
Trying to find that answer but never seem to find.
Did it begin when I was offered my first drink?
You had a choice I was told by my shrink!
You could have refused and walked away,
And you wouldn’t be in this mess today!
Guilt and shame I carry with me,
Emotional pain I cry out to thee.
Just take it away, I can’t stand it anymore!
I have lost my choice I bang on the door.
One more hit, one more high,
Anything to dull the pain I hear myself cry.
I’ve lost my choice, I need it again,
Man the pain and the shame, and it’s me they all blame.
No one understands the torment in my head,
The days I have slept wet through in my bed.
Longing to die, but so wanting to live,
So on my knees my life to the Lord I give.
The rush I get is like no other before,
A smile on my face as I hit the floor.
I suddenly know I am not alone, I am loved, and I am secure.
It’s a feeling I can’t explain but I no one thing is for sure; there is no more fear and no more pain.
Written by: Dawn VanSice
Inspired by: The Holy Spirit